Guten Tag, Reader,

I saw an Advent Calendar at Costco last weekend. It sells for $99 and is five feet tall. I’ve been wondering who it’s for, and apparently, at least one loud part of me is screaming “MeMeMe,” because I am still thinking about it.

What do people want from an Advent calendar? What do they value about having one?

Me? I value ritual. Pausing. Vorfreude.

I want a little delightful treat every day during a time that’s supposed to be about joy, love, compassion, and generosity, but has turned into a month of hustle instead. Especially for women who carry most of the holiday load in most families—from baking to decorating and hosting, from knowing what to gift to shopping for gifts.

No wonder lots of clients book extra sessions in December (if they manage to make that time).

One of the questions I ask them to help navigate the overwhelm: “What do you value most about the holidays?”

Value-Based Living

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there is a core idea called value-based living. It means choosing actions that reflect what truly matters to us, even when that’s harder.

Now, why would you choose to say, “no, not this year,” to cooking for the whole extended family on Christmas Eve, even though it means enduring weeks of passive-aggressive questions on the family group chat?

Well, if your guiding value is freedom or honesty, and if hosting feels restrictive or dishonest, then opting out of this external obligation will reward you with a profound feeling of integrity. And a quiet, harmonious, delightful day off, perhaps laughing at the Griswolds’ Christmas, and enjoying that you aren’t Ellen.

If your guiding values are family, connection, and service, on the other hand, you should probably say “yes, the more the merrier,” even though planning, shopping, and cooking may sound daunting.

Research shows that when we make choices aligned with our values — not just our comfort or convenience — we experience a deeper sense of integrity and meaning. It’s less about feeling good all the time and more about feeling right (≠ righteous) inside our own skin.

Value-Based Advent Calendaring

Nature, sustainability, and walking the walk are among my guiding values. Choosing local printing, using recycled materials wherever possible, and supporting small businesses didn’t make creating an Advent Calendar card deck any easier. Certainly not cheaper.

But as I made each choice, I noticed that the process itself became a kind of Advent ritual: slowing down, pausing to notice what matters, choosing from values, not hurry or profit.

If you’d like to bring that kind of spirit into your December, you can get your calendar here.

Tell Me

I am curious—do you know your guiding values? Or are you still in the “I think one of them is coffee” stage? ☕️

What’s one guiding value for this holiday season — something you want more of, or want to protect?

Maybe rest, connection, simplicity, presence?* What will your action be, then, when you’re invited to the annual cookie exchange?

Hit reply and tell me. I’d love to hear what you’re centering this season around.

Always on your side, truly,

* If that's you, my Nature Therapy Experiences are for YOU. Join me on Zoom on November 4 or in Missoula on November 5. Find them here.

p.s. If you found something valuable in today's letter, why not buy me a coffee? I am keeping my writing AI-free, which means a lot of creativity goes into it. You can leave a tip for me here.